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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26938531">The First Snowfall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikashisui/pseuds/mikashisui'>mikashisui</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst, Body Worship, Confessions, Confusion, Denial of Feelings, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Honesty, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:42:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26938531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikashisui/pseuds/mikashisui</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I hate it. Sometimes, I despise you so much that I want to tear you apart. I want to rip you apart and feel your blood on my hands. I want to destroy you. But other times, I want to touch you, I want to feel your skin against mine and I remember, how it feels whenever my hand fit into yours.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisoka &amp; Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>236</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The First Snowfall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have to admit that I am not very satisfied with the way this has turned out, but I've decided to post it nonetheless. I thought it would be fun to share some soft HisoIllu. I hope you enjoy! ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The previous night had been absolute chaos with screams of pain and pleasure filling the room, bodies trembling in delight and soaking in fresh sweat, hot breaths and locks of hair brushing from skin to skin, hands traveling every inch of flesh and a feeling of lust and desire overwhelming the two men until there was no energy left to move. But as the rays of sunshine slowly made their way into the small room filled with books and the scent of cinnamon, silence was all that could be heard.</p><p>Illumi’s eyes had already fluttered open. He melted further down into the mattress; the feeling of his bare back engulfed by cotton bed sheets calmed his senses. His raven locks were scattered everywhere, as if someone had splattered pitch-black ink onto a light colored canvas.</p><p>Cheek squished against the cushion, Illumi stared at his own reflection that had appeared on the glass window before focusing on the scenery outside.</p><p>Behind thin walls, there in the nature, snow had covered the lands that were once green, and the colorless snowflakes were still dauntlessly landing onto the ground, creating more and more layers of ice as the clock ticked.</p><p>It was the first snowfall.</p><p>He watched as little birds flew away into the distance, snowflakes covering their wings as they escaped from the blizzard that would arrive anytime soon. Illumi could hear the sounds of raindrops when crystal flakes fell, and when the snowfall had become harsher, soft whistles of wind seemed to call out his name.</p><p>The snowfield were marvelous and in his eyes, one could see glinting orbs, and just a man, perhaps fascinated by what seemed to be the simplest aspects in life.</p><p>The man stretched out his arm, desperate to reach out to <em>something</em>. He wondered how it would feel like to be as free as the wind, a force so strong but so delicate that had no trouble befriending the birds while making its way through the leafless trees. His vision blurred, eyes focusing on his fingertips. From that angle, Illumi felt as if the place he was longing for was close.</p><p>But reality was always quick to break the spell; it had already kicked in, as fast as his dreams had appeared, leaving him dissolving, yet again, into a deep sorrow.</p><p>“How can you even drink this?” Hisoka winced in disgust, causing Illumi to snap out of his fantasies. He glanced to the other side of the room, and watched as the magician pulled unusual grimaces; from the drowsiness or the leftover liquor, Illumi wasn’t so sure.</p><p>“If you know you don’t like it, why did you drink it?” Illumi asked; there was no response, but just a magician, scoffing and twirling the rock glass in his hand.</p><p>For a moment, both watched as the caramel liquid followed the movement inside. The only noises that could be heard were the ice cubes hitting the glass and the breeze creeping inside the room through cracked lines.</p><p>An unanswered question, and Illumi thought once again about how strange Hisoka actually was.</p><p>He was detestable. People hated his arrogance and his confidence, and his maliciousness and spitefulness were feared in the eyes of others. Illumi remembered then, that some had found a nickname for him. Hisoka went by as the “sly fox”, because he was always pulling clever tricks, and was always smiling, eyes disappearing in the process. His expression was often times playful, or flirtatious.</p><p>And Hisoka was truly unreadable. His incomprehensible behaviors left Illumi confused, and so the man often wondered what Hisoka was thinking, or feeling. He had never let his guard down, not even once, and the mysteriousness lingered onto the man like a puppet following his master around. But when the two men were together like this, Illumi realized that Hisoka was quite different from what everyone assumed him to be. He wasn’t always noisy, smirking or haughty. He was also quiet, observant and shy. It left Illumi feeling bitter, yet content, and it certainly left him more perplexed than he already was.</p><p>There it was again: the confusion, the uneasiness, and the headaches.</p><p>“It’s strange.” Illumi was tempted to take a sip from the drink; maybe it would help him. He wasn’t sure what he was talking about, whether his feelings, or Hisoka. He glanced up, crossing paths with lovely golden eyes, full of amusement and curiosity. He always felt petite when Hisoka sat up on the bed, soft gaze on Illumi.</p><p>“What is, sweetheart?”</p><p>Illumi looked away, attention focusing on the wooden ceiling. He ignored the pull of his heartstrings at the mention of sweetheart. His lungs moved up and down, at an unusual quicker pace, and there was still no comeback for some time. He grasped Hisoka’s hand, and laid his palm onto his chest, hoping that it would be enough for the man to feel his lively and rapid heartbeats.</p><p>“I don’t know this feeling, I don’t know it. It’s foreign to me. I’m perturbed. I feel this throbbing pain inside my chest and it feels suffocating, so much that I want to rip out my own heart. I don’t know what to do, I’ve never felt like this before.”</p><p>Had Illumi noticed the slight surprise in those bright orbs? A genuine reaction it was.</p><p>“I hate it. Sometimes, I despise you so much that I want to tear you apart. I want to rip you apart and feel your blood on my hands. I want to destroy you. But other times, I want to touch you, I want to feel your skin against mine and I remember, how it feels whenever my hand fit into yours.”</p><p>No response still, and he didn’t dare look back at Hisoka. Illumi felt disgusted. His stomach kept doing flips back and forth. He felt ashamed at the thought of a Zoldyck being so raw. He felt weak and vulnerable, and he felt eyes boring into him. “How pitiful.” Illumi laughed, mocked.</p><p>
  <em>What is your true intention, Hisoka? What are we?</em>
</p><p>He threw the magician’s hand away and shifted, back facing Hisoka. He submerged himself into the sheets. No warmth, it was empty and cold this time, and it was too much of a familiar feeling. By the time he had once again noticed his own reflection on the window, his inky orbs were back to being soulless and threatening. <em>This is who I truly am.</em> He closed his eyes, in attempt to forget about Hisoka, his past, and everything else.</p><p>
  <em>I want to look at you, but I can’t find the courage to do so.</em>
</p><p>The magician pulled the assassin into an embrace and <em>oh</em>, Illumi had melted into the touch and the closeness of their naked bodies. Hisoka engulfed himself into the assassin’s shoulder, breathing easy, hot puffs brushing against the man’s bare neck. Illumi swore he could feel the magicians smiling that smile of his that never seemed to tire out.</p><p>
  <em>Tell me, what is this feeling that I do not know of?</em>
</p><p>Illumi felt warm again. His exposed back rested comfortably against the magician’s chest, and their figures fit so well together, their frames so perfect together, that it felt as if they were both born with the sole purpose of completing each other.</p><p>“Look at me.”</p><p>The assassin shuddered at Hisoka’s words. He turned around, hesitantly, and even when it wasn’t the first time that both men had been intimate, the closeness had still felt electrifying. Illumi stared deep into half lidded honey eyes, hoping to find some answers.</p><p>But at that moment, both needed not to speak, because their eyes told all the possible tales, and Illumi swore then, that he could see a flicker of honesty in Hisoka’s gleaming orbs.</p><p>Out of instinct, the assassin’s index traced along the magician’s features, starting from his dark eyebrows, to the sharp bridge of his nose, to his thin lips. His favorite part had always been the ginger eyelashes; it showed how much of a natural redheaded man he was. He moved closer, only to kiss Hisoka’s freckles and flushed nose.</p><p>“God, Illu.” Hisoka murmured, sending shivers down his spine, hand caressing the man’s cheek. Illumi leaned into the touch and sighed delightfully. He fought back the urge to close his eyes as the magician moved to stroke his raven locks, brushing away some strands that were covering his pale face.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful.”</p><p>The assassin felt heat traveling up to his cheeks, and he hoped that Hisoka wouldn’t notice the slight pink on his porcelain skin. “So are you.” He confessed, and the magician chuckled lightheartedly in response, stroking the man still. “Thank you, dear.”</p><p>They pressed their lips together, and Illumi had almost moaned right then. His tongue grazed the magician’s delicate lips before pushing in, as if asking for permission. Hisoka complied, and Illumi made sure to savor the bittersweet taste that lingered on the man.</p><p>It was a sensual kiss full of silent pants and secret whispers, ready to be revealed by the souls that could feel it.</p><p>“Hold me closer.” Illumi broke free from the kiss, catching his breath as he did so. The words barely came out as whispers, but Hisoka was lucky enough to hear them. He pulled the man closer to him, and the assassin breathed in the sweet scent of cinnamon.</p><p>He closed his eyes this time, completely hopeless as he felt the magician resting his chin on his head. He wanted nothing more but to be able to stay like this forever, safe and warm inside the magician’s embrace. His grip on the man’s waist tightened and his desperation left him feeling pathetic. <em>It’s fine for now. </em></p><p><em>It doesn’t matter anymore.</em> Because after what had seemed like an eternity, Illumi finally felt like home. <em>Home.</em> He longed for it, he craved it, and he definitely wanted to keep holding onto it. A whine escaped his lips; Illumi prayed that none of this would ever come to an end.</p><p>The magician traced the man’s spine at a steady pace and left blissful pecks all over his collarbones. Hisoka watched as Illumi slowly fell back into a deep slumber, hands slightly loosing their grip from the magician’s waist and chest moving up and down as puffs of breaths escaped from his parted lips. His index pressed the frown that had formed in between the assassin’s eyebrows. Illumi reflected obliviousness most of the time, but his unconsciousness would fail to protect him when he was sound asleep, unable to hide his true feelings.</p><p>Gaze focused on the scenery outside, Hisoka’s eyes tiredly traveled back in forth as he curled the tips of Illumi’s hair. The stormy winds had softened, and the early rays of warm sunshine had returned, as if they had never left.</p><p>Then a lonely bird caught his attention and when he squinted his eyes, concentrating, he saw it, a dove that represented nothing, but love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! ♡ Feedback is very much appreciated! ♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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